Insomnia

Breakdown happened last summer. I don't know what caused it; it simply happened. Now I was condemned to dwell alone in my flat, surrounded by thick isolated walls filled with books, covered in curtains, to never see sunlight again, to never hear outside noise. Many times I moved from one place to another, from flat to motel, from motel to accomodation, hoping to find inner peace. But enviroment was striking its filthy paws at me, after only two or three weeks spent in one place.

Dream was enjoyable while it lasted. Now I walked through the flat in dreamy state.
Somehow day was moving to its end.
As usual, garbage truck arrived to take out the trash in front of my building. Sound of garbage truck helped me to relax. Glass of warm milk will help me to sleep, I thought. But it wasn't so, I twisted and turned in bed, shivering and listening to cars passing by. I turned on my lamp and tried to read some book. After reading I ate candy bar and took some benzos and finally went to sleep.
I found myself in strange dream. I was walking through well known streets of my childhood. Sights and sounds appeared very realistic. I don't know what it was in the dream that made me to wake up in 3 am, covered in sweath and full of fear in my heart.
Next day I was browsing through the pharmacies looking for benzos, those bringers of sleep. I needed heavy dose of benzos, and there was shortage of it. It was getting dark, and I don't know how, but I arrived in place similiar to my dream from last night. Everything was shady, undefined, unclear. Sky was pitch black without a single star, there was no moon, and trees were somehow unnaturaly twisted. Like whole world fell to darkness. Was it the place of my childhood?
Heavy rain soaked my jacket, bringing powerful smell that awakened memories, and on the bridge I saw some girl. It didn't took me long to recognize her. It was my sympathy from school days. But now she changed, after ten years of solitude she looked ordinary, mother with child and lousy husband. I couldn't approach her. She was pointing something in the river, something was floating. I panicked and ran away from her.
Endlessly long streets were showing me their ugly faces, and as much I tried to avoid them, they appeared nonetheless.
I was feeling hopellesly lost in this place. Then I took the bus and slowly dissapeared from here. Bus was half-empty, and beside me some man was reading newspapers. I glimpsed at some articles. Man jumped from the third floor and killed himself, it was written. Girl overdosed on pills and killed herself, it was written. So many suicides these days.
In the end I came to my apartment and fell asleep.