Vanishing Poinr (1971)

Good car chase road movie about disgruntled ex-cop and driver who decides to race with his car while police are chasing him.

Rolling Thunder (1977)

Good movie about veteran soldier from Vietnam who arrives home, but soon finds out that his house was demolished by Mexicans, and he together with his friend from army goes to Mexico to kill those people. Written by Paul Schrader, it is full of violence and gritty 70's atmosphere.

Poems

 Maggots and Flowers

maggots and flowers
growing from the corpses
I open the door from the chapel
and hideous smell overwhelms me
behind the grave worker stands
and say to me
woman in black has just arrived
I follow her smell
she is standing near the grave with powerful man
they were mourning someone
and that was me
but all I could see
behind her veil
was her horrifying skull
I ran away from her
and in that moment
darkness and rain
began to fell
at the edge of the world

Another night

slowly she came
into my home
with her nephew
and her son
like in a dream
i kissed her lips
though she was my relative
absent mindedly
i did not remember her
and she went home

i met her again
at the bus stop
on summer evening
full of smell
and cool air
young and innocent
she sat beside me
and we had little talk
but sadly
she left
and never came home

another night
new kind of drug
still sore
crushing bones
stripping skin
ecstacy of pain
long tall man
stare at young boy
brutal to brutal
home to home

One kiss before departure

one kiss before departure
through long dark night
going to home
dream desolves
morning comes

couple of days
filled with joy
now in oblivion
now forever gone

memories of drug
long gone
all that remains
is black hollow hole

young boy
playing in the field
under starry sky
night comes
and he goes home
to play with his little toy

distant music
in the streets
people come and go
while little boy
play with his toy

City In Bloom

snow falls
winter sleep
why am I so cold
and without feet

gazing at picture
of my child
makes me wonder
makes me sad

is it a dream
or illusion
all I know
it is a delusion

cold days
cold nights
autumn leaves
rain falls

shiver in bed
shiver in night
when there is no drug
heat is right

sunset gloom
city in bloom
all night long
till the morning
you are in doom

they said you were right
they said you were night
but it turns out
you were hanging all the time so bright

maggot faggot
eating me alive
under ground
under twisted sound

all the while
her left eye
behind the curtain
watch me closely
as i die

Accident

 

It was a hot summer evening when Ben was going home from hard work in ice-cream factory. He was crossing the street but didn't pay attention to traffic lights, so he got hit by big mercedes truck. He was lying on the street with his legs and arms broken, and with brain concussion. People have gathered around him, watching him frightened, the traffic in that street stopped, and one man called ambulance. They quickly came and took Ben to hospital. Doctors helped him, gave him strong cures for pain, and started curing his wounds. After they have done what they could, they leaved him alone in the room. Ben was thinking some time and then he fall asleep. In the morning they brought him breakfast, and doctors visited him to see how is he going on. They predicted quick recovery. They said to him that he will have to stay in the hospital at least a month. Ben was grateful for that and when doctors leaved he took some novel to read so he could pass the time. He read one chapter and put book away, thinking for himself if he could smoke a cigarrette. In that moment, some young beautiful girl walked in his room. She was wearing white coat, had pale skin and deep blue eyes, and she came to him silently. There was something about her that maked Ben horny, but he didn't know what exactly.

"Hi. My name is Miranda. I just started working in this hospital. How are you?"
"I'm good, Miranda. I just have strong pain."
"It will pass, don't worry.", she sat on his bed and touched his leg. Her touch made Ben's dick to grow.
He also noticed some scars on her wrists.
"What kind of scars do you have?", he asked her.
She behaved for some time like she didn't heard his question, she just looked at white sheets, and then she woked up.
"Oh, that. I have attempted suicide some time ago. Luckily, i haven't succeded."
"Why did you try to kill yourself?"
"I don't know. I didn't have some reason, actually. It just happened."
Miranda touched his big cock through the sheets. She massaged it with her delicate fingers.
"Mmm...your cock is so hard...i bet that girls didn't jerked your cock for a long time."
"Yeah...jerk my cock..."
Miranda moved the sheets and took his cock from his pants. She jerked it for some time, and then she swallowed it and began sucking hard. His whole cock was in her mouth.
"You like it when I suck it to the end?"
"Yeah...suck my cock..."
She stripped hers pantaloons and panties and lied on him. She began fucking him. He squeezed her naked tits while she was jumping on his cock. Smell of hospital juices was mixing with smell of sex. She impaled herself on his cock, and bed beneath them was rasping.
They camed together in ecstacy, Ben was filling her pussy with warm cum. Miranda got off of him and started smoking cigarrette. She gave him one cigarrette and he also started smoking.
"I gotta go now. Maybe we will meet again.", she said and leaved room, silently like she came in.
Tommorow Ben was expecting her, but instead Miranda some old woman came in his room. She was giving him breakfast.
"Where is Miranda?", he asked.
Old woman looked at him like he was insane.
"Miranda is dead, young man. She killed herself a week ago. You must have dreamed because of all this narcotics we give you.", she said and leaved room.
Ben was thinking about that while he ate his sandwich. If Miranda is really dead, whom he was talking to and fucked with yesterday? These thoughts were running through his head when he saw Miranda how she stood at the entrance of his room.
"You're..you're a ghost!", he shouted at her.
"Don't shout! Someone can hear you.", she replied while coming near him.
"Why did you lie that you didn't kill yourself?"
"I was afraid that you will be scared. I'm so lonely in this halls. I guess death is not better from life now."
"You didn't have to do that."
"Well, now it's too late."
"Will you come with me when I get better?"
"I can't, I'm chained to this hospital and can't go outside."
She walked to the window and looked at morning sky, filled with red sun and grey clouds.
"Do you like to look at the sky?", she asked him while still looking through the window.
"Yeah, it's nice."
She stayed a while longer and then she walked out of room.
As the days went by, Ben rarely encountered Miranda, and after a month they released him from hospital. He started again with his life, and only in late evening hours he remembered Miranda.

Winter Solstice

 Man with dark hair and green eyes was walking down the street. It was raining and strong wind was blowing, it was late evening, and street lights were iluminating trees scattered across the street. Man was wearing black jacket and pantaloons, and he entered in a bar and closed down the door. He sat by the table and lit his cigarrette. He ordered coffee and soda. Beside him, in bar was sitting some old man and read newspapers. Man begun looking through the window on the street while drinking his coffee and soda. Winter solstice entered early among the streets, and nights were begining very early, by 3 pm. It was so dark that almost nothing could be seen. Some people were walking on the street, carrying with themselves bags and stuff. Then he noticed some young man, he recognized him, it was his old friend. He waved his hand to him and then young man noticed him and entered in bar. He sat before him and they greeted one another.

"Hi, Fred.", man said to him smilling.
"Oh, man, what are you doing here?"
"I came here to drink some coffee. We haven't seen each other long time."
"Yeah, two years almost. What are you doing, are you all right?"
"I'm good, currently working in ice-cream factory. And you?"
"Studying some university and stuff. Hey, look, i gotta go, so if you want to go out with me some day, you have my number, so we can meet, alright?"
"Allright. See ya."
"See ya."
Young man got out of bar and got lost somewhere down the street. Man was still drinking his coffee and smoking cigarrettes. Some pop music was playing on the recorder. When he finished, he paid for coffee and soda and got out of bar. Rain has stopped, and he walked down to the park across the street. Park was surrounded by trees and benches, and in the centre there was fountain and swing. He sat on bench and watched how wind moves trees around him. From the main road he heard sounds of cars and trains, shouting of mens. In park came in some girl, she came out of darkness and begun approaching to the fountain. She drinked some water from the fountain, stood awhile like expecting someone, and then begun approaching him, dressed in teasing clothes. She was an obvious prostitute.
"Hi, sugar. What do you need? Blowjob?"
"I don't need nothing.", he replied, watching her big tits.
She came back and got out of park, like she wasn't in it in the first place. Soon man went to porn cinema that was close to the park. It was surrounded by some abandoned buildings. He went in, bought ticket and sat on seat. Movie was about to begin. On the screen some hot girl was licking balls to some handsome fellow. He begun jerking while watching the film. On the other end of hall there was also some man who jerked. Soon on the sreen appeared someones shadow. It was some girl who entered hall. She sat by the man and begun jerking him off. He squeezed her tits and touched her pussy. When she jerked him off, man left the cinema and begun walking down the street. He stumbled across some theater. There was show at the moment, so he went in and bought ticket. He sat and begun watching. It was a very nighmarish show, which reminded him of his own nightmare. On the stage actors were hanging themselves every five minutes.
At the end of the show, when he was preparing to leave theater, girl actor approached him holding a rope that was used in the show for hangings.
"Hey, I noticed you during the show. You were really carefully watching the show."
"Thank you.", he replied.
"Here, take this, I think it will help you.", she said and gave him the rope. Man thanked her and leaved the theater. He called a taxi and went in the car. Taxi man was some strong guy, with no hair on his head.
"Take me to 23. street."
Taxi went off and man watched the road through the window.
"You know, I don't usually drive homosexuals, but today I'm at good will."
"But I'm not homosexual."
"That's what they all say."
"How you can even work with such harsh criteria?"
"I work alone. I have my own hetero codex."
Man was watching him and asked for himself if this guy is insane. Soon they came to the end of the road, so he paid the guy and got out of taxi on to the street. He stood some time there on the street shrouded in mist and fog. Then he walked across the street and turned to his house, however it was hard for him to find it in all the darkness that surrounded him. On the other end of the street some guy was taking his dog for a walk, wearing glasses.
"I always liked dogs", he thinked for himself. When he went in his house, he didn't realized until now that he was holding with himself that rope from the show that girl actor gave him. He stood on chair, embraced rope around his neck, and hanged himself.

Haunted House

 He came to village for a couple of days to rest himself. One house was looking interesting to him and he decided to rent it. People around the village were saying that the house was haunted, because some woman who lived there hanged herself. She was named Anne Sheridan, they said. He didn't mind it so he rented the house. It was big and dusty, with filth covering tables and chairs. Obviously no one entered the house for a long time, probably from fear of ghosts. On the table in the dining room there was picture of Anne Sheridan. She appeared handsome, but somehow strange. Nevertheless he pulled out his stuff, and cleaned the house a bit, and then he walked out to walk a little. Village was a good place for vacation. A lot of people were walking and swimming in nearby river. People were going to parties and enjoyed themselves. A single man could spend great time there, and in the air sense of peace could be smelled. He was walking through the street sellers. One girl attracked his attention. She was selling some necklases and rings, and she looked very much like Anne Sheridan, she was just younger than her. She had deep black eyes, long black hair, and was little pale in the face. She wore black dress. He approached her and started talking.

"Good day.", he said to her.
"Good day. Do you like my necklases?"
"Yes, they are pretty. Are you from around here? What is your name?"
"My name is Julia Sheridan."
"Sheridan? Are you in relationship with deceased Anne Sheridan?"
Girl suddenly felt ashamed while continuing to speak.
"Yes, i am. I am her daughter. My mother was not a good person. She always abused me, and in the end she killed herself. I had to live on my own from that point, and here i am, selling necklases and rings..."
"That is so sad...", man replied.
Some people were walking through between them, so he coudn't see her. When they passed by, the girl was no longer there. He asked some old woman where she went.
"Where did Julia went?"
"What Julia?", said old woman looking him strangely.
"Girl that was selling necklases here. She was right there."
"There is no girl there, young man, Sophia is working there. Oh, here she is."
He saw some old woman approaching. She was rubbing her hands on her dress.
"How can i help you, young man?"
"Where is Julia?"
"There is no Julia, i work here."
He was standing some time there, estranged with mysterious happenings. Old women were watching him curiously, and some of them laughed at him. He leaved that place and started walking by the river. Cold wind was blowing while birds were flying over the river. He walked some time and then he came back to the house. He wanted to know more about Anne Sheridan, so he walked to the nearby house where some old lady was living. Her name was Maria. She made him coffee and they sat in her dining room. The room was full of some strange asian sculptures. He started asking her about Anne Sheridan.
"What do you know about her? Why did she killed herself?"
"Young man, you are asking me some strange things. Anne was married to John Sheridan, worker from village factory. They lived together for about ten years, until she gave him daughter. I don't know what happened, but as soon they got her, Anne was not same old woman. She went completely mad."
"Oh, my god. So she had a daughter?"
"Yes, young man, she had a daughter, and she obviously hated her, because she never let her out of the house. She was living inside like a prisoner. Day after day i heard shouting and screaming from that house, like screaming of cats, it was indescribable. Anne was rarely getting out of the house too, all washed up and crazy."
"And what about John? What happened to him?"
"He was going to work, but he was so sad. They didn't accepted guests, nor they were going to others. They totally confined themselves. And couple of years went by, when Anne hanged herself. She was found two days after, she still hang from the rope in the dining room. John leaved the house after that and became an alcoholic. I still see him in front of the drugstore how he drinks with low-lifes. Poor man."
"And what about their daughter? Did they found her?"
"They never found her."
Shaken by this story, he drinked coffee and thanked to old lady Maria, and he went out. Whole this story was keeping him interested, and he wanted to go all the way to the truth. He came back in house and began searching for answers through the papers that were pilled up in the attic.
He didn't found nothing, so he sat on a chair to rest a little. He got little sleepy when he heard knocking on the door. He jumped and opened the door, but there was nobody in front of the house, just blowing of the wind. He closed the door and turned around when he noticed some passing through the room.
"Who is that?", he asked, but nobody answered him. He didn't know what was going on, but there sure were dark things around. He lied to bed to get some sleep. During sleep he heard some strange noises throughout the house, like some child was weeping, some scratching, banging and walking. He woked up in sweat even more tired than he was before sleep. He looked himself in the mirror and noticed that his beard growed drastically in the past few hours. He washed himself and then got out. He decided to find John Sheridan and ask him some things. All that morbid atmosphere was negatively influencing his psyche. He went to the drugstore where John used to hang out, and in front of it some alcoholics were sitting and drinking beer.
"I'm looking for John Sheridan. Is he with you, guys?"
"What you want John for, huh?", said one alcoholic smilling in his face. Obviously these men were too drunk to engage in meaningful conversation. Just as he began to leave, one man shouted at him.
"I'm John! I'm John!!"
He turned at him and looked at poor man in his late 50's, all dirty and fat. He wore green t-shirt and brown pantaloons. He was totally drunk, and in his left hand he was holding bottle of beer, while with his right hand he was holding on a drugstore wall, so he couldn't fall.
"What you want, little fellow? Sit here so we can talk..."
"I'm interested in your wife, sir. What exactly happened?"
John looked to the ground. Like he was starting to remember things long past, he started talking.
"If only she didn't brought me that damn child! To hell with her!"
"What was wrong with the child?"
"Don't ask, son, you wouldn't believe it. It was a demon child!!!"
John started pissing on the ground, while others alcoholics laughed and rambled some nonsense. He quickly realized that John will not say to him anything reasonable so he went away. While he was approaching house, he thinked about their daughter. Was she born retarded, so Anne hanged herself because of that? But even so, what did happen with the child? It was getting dark when he came to the house. At the entrance some young girl was standing behind street light with her face covered in darkness, and when he noticed her she ran away. He entered the house and turn on the lights. Flies were getting at the light, and he quickly fixed himself some sandwich, and then he lied to bed to sleep. While he was entering sleep, he heard some noises under the bed. Like someone was scratching under the ground to break in. He got himself some shovel, moved the bed and started digging the ground. When he dig enough, he saw some small door below. He opened it and saw horrible monster. It had long hands like some kind of animal, hideous, distorted head and red eyes. But it also had breasts and wore womans dress. So that was daughter of Anne Sheridan!
He moved in side and pointed shovel at monster. Afwul monster got out of the hole below the ground and with its unearthly hands began moving forward to him. He started bashing at it with all his strenght. Monster was shouting with pain, and from its wounds yellow juice was coming out.
"Die, monster, die!"
Monster finally died and he looked at it with horror. Even in its monstrous state somehow it keeped womans character. He was asking himself how this thing could be born at all. Nothing was left to do around here, so he left the house and the village, with promise that he would never again come back.

When he returned to the city he was living in, his stomache began hurting him really bad. It was weird to him that he had stomache problems, because he haven't eat much these days. When he finally got to his apartment on top of 12 floor building, he went to bathroom to take crap. When he looked back in the toilet, he momentarily went mad. In the water there were floating tiny monsters, lot alike Julia Sheridan!
"Oh, no. It can't be. Monster got in myself!", he shouted and jumped out of window of his apartment on to the ground.

Personal advertisement

 I had to answer to that personal advertisement, I had no choice. Since I lost my job, money I had quickly began disappearing, and I had to make some way of getting money again. It was simple advertisement.

'Man needed for company for some time. Possible payment, discretion guaranteed.'

When I called him he explained to me how to get to him in a pretty lifeless and passionless voice.
It was some village in eastern part of the country. I wrote down the adress and took train to the village, bringing with myself most needed stuff. While I was travelling and watching hills and mountains, I had no guess what awaits me with that guy. He was pretty shallow in describing the word 'company'. But I was hoping for the best. Couple of times I fell asleep in train, and meaningless words, images and sounds were floating through my mind.

When I got to the end of the road I leaved train and took taxi that would bring me to his house. In fifteen minutes I found myself standing in front of big, beautiful house. I knocked couple of times but didn't get answer so I got in. First thing I noticed was this impenetrable darkness that filled the house.
"I'm here", I said when I walked to the living room. Young man was writing something on his laptop, with his back turned on me.
"You arrived quickly. Make yourself at home. You will be staying here long, anyway.", he said and turned around to look me with his lifeless eyes.
"You must be tired and hungry. I'll make you a sandwich and coffee."
He seemed little absent-minded as he walked to the kitchen. He was talking very silently.
"Thank you. I just want to know what to do in here", I asked and sat on chair.
"To give me company and help me in day-to-day things. Since my parents died and my sister drowned herself in the river, people rarely visit me. Friends I don't have, and my brother lives in the city, and never comes to visit me."
He gave me coffee and sandwich and then he sat by his laptop and continued writing.
"What are you writing there?"
"Little stories, just to pass the time."
"Why it's so dark here?"
"Light hurts my eyes, because of frequent migraines that I have. I hope you don't mind."
"I don't mind."
"Do you want to sleep a little now?"
"Well, I could."
I started following him to bedroom on second floor. He leaved me there and started slowly walking away down the stairs. I noticed some strange calmness in his walk. Tired from the road, I lied to bed to get some sleep.

His hand woked me up. In total darkness I couldn't see his face but I could sense that he was tense and worried.
"What is it?", I asked him.
"Shh! Don't talk. They are here."
"What do you mean? I don't hear nothing."
"Enemies. Every night they gather around in front of my house."
Is this man crazy?, I thinked for myself. We got together to the entrance and I walked outside. There was no one outside, just darkness of the night and moonlight.
"See? There is no one outside."
He was standing on the entrance, suspiciously looking.
"They ran away when they heard us. They do that all the time."
"Friend, you're disturbed for nothing."
With those words I leaved him and got upstairs to continue my sleep, while listening his wandering around the house.

In the morning he made me a list of things that I should buy, so I leaved the house and started walking to the village shop. Nature was beautiful here, perfect innocence and bliss. When I bought everything from the list I returned to the house. I made some spaghetti and we sat on table to eat.
"Do you have internet here?", I asked him.
"No, but I have lot of books, movies, music and video games."
"Do you want to go for a walk later?"
"I don't know."
"Did you lived here from the beggining?"
"No. I lived in the city in small apartment. Job and people gave me a lot of stress. In the end I got nervous breakdown, so I moved here, in house of my dead parents, so I could find some peace."
"And did you find it?"
"In the begining yes, but in time surrounding started to choke me again."
"I guess man can never be at peace."
After the lunch I got out for a walk to see some things. Something about this guy greatly intrigued me. When I returned I ate some spaghetti and talked to the guy. We watched some movie, listened to music and played video games. In the end I walked to second floor to sleep, and he stayed in living room to write. I coudn't get sleep as much as I wanted so I climbed down and entered living room. He was still writing some shit on laptop. I looked up the title.
'Life is suffering-It's better to not be born at all(essay on antinatalism)'

As time went by, young man began disappearing in front of my eyes. In the beggining there were minor changes, his left hand would disappear, left side of his face would be swallowed by evening shadows. But he slowly began disappearing, and I could do nothing about it. In the end he became a shadow, that I could not see, but could feel how it stood by the entrance, in the living room. Shadow that could not ran away from itself, and shadow that I was judged by to live here for eternity.